The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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