ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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