I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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