You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
