Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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