i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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