We're like a lot better than the average bears
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i love accidental penises.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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