My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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