Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
