i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
