It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
