He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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