No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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