i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
