guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
