everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
