The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
