May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
