Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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