if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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