I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
