tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
