My cat gives me a boner
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
