Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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