Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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