please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
