every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
