Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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