someone threw a dead crab at me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your cock deserves a montage
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
