It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
