Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
