i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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