hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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