ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
