Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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