it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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