I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
