Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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