Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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