I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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