I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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