we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
