I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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