giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't deserve a penis
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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