First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
