Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
