She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
