My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
