The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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