is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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