debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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