i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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