does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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