He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I could make wine with my vomit
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
