shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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