i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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