I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why do cheetos always look like penises
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
